Thursday, June 11, 2009

Lost in the shadows

In the shadows

There's nothing particularly amazing about this photo, but of my recent "walk in the Springtime" collection (taken yesterday), it's the one I feel most drawn to today.

Just like the iris, I feel a little lost in the shadows these days. My sunny companions, the daisies, are busy basking in the sunshine, but I'm not finding much light where I am.

The gloom has not lifted, though there have been periodic breaks in the clouds. It's not that I don't expect to see the sun again, it's just that the clouds keep moving in front and blocking the view. (Both literally and figuratively this week.)

I spent part of the day at work today, and though there was nothing particularly bad about it, I just felt an overwhelming sadness when I left. I've poured a lot of myself into this job for 5 years, and it has sucked the energy out of me. Being a leader, a change agent, and key decision-maker can be very, very draining.

I need my tank re-filled. I'm not sure how that will happen, but I know that - in order to emerge healthy and whole again - I need to find a way.

You can't see the tears in this picture, but trust me when I say they were streaming down my face. It was one of those shadow moments. (Why did I turn the camera on myself? Like I've said before, it's one of the ways I process the world, including my own sadness.)

By the river

Like the dandelion, I want to let go, let god and nature take over, and lose myself in the breeze.
Spreading seeds


mmichele said...

my beautiful friend.

Anvilcloud said...

Take care of yourself, Heather. Take care of your kids' mother and your husbands' wife.

Krista said...

I pray on you a refreshment and renewal that gets to the depths of your soul and brings you anew into His Wonderful Light.

andrea said...

Buck up. We're on your side.

Liz said...

As usual, you've said everything I've been feeling as well. Only much more eloquently. Take care of yourself!

Pamela said...

oppression is an attack to stall the success of someone who is doing "good" things.

Or, a way to cast a "shadow" to conceal that persons worth.

I've been there - and understand that it is so easy to be overwhelmed.

Olivia said...

Heather, It is such a blessing to know, to be able to actually know, when you need a change. It sounds like you do know that you need your tank refilled; you will find the way. You may not know it now, but you will find it! This I know. I'll be thinking of you. xo, O

joyce said...

totally relate to this post. Have been sad and depleted since letting go of the bag project. Lots of shadows and clouds and heaviness.

Thanks for putting it to words and providing validation.