Thursday, June 11, 2009
Lost in the shadows
There's nothing particularly amazing about this photo, but of my recent "walk in the Springtime" collection (taken yesterday), it's the one I feel most drawn to today.
Just like the iris, I feel a little lost in the shadows these days. My sunny companions, the daisies, are busy basking in the sunshine, but I'm not finding much light where I am.
The gloom has not lifted, though there have been periodic breaks in the clouds. It's not that I don't expect to see the sun again, it's just that the clouds keep moving in front and blocking the view. (Both literally and figuratively this week.)
I spent part of the day at work today, and though there was nothing particularly bad about it, I just felt an overwhelming sadness when I left. I've poured a lot of myself into this job for 5 years, and it has sucked the energy out of me. Being a leader, a change agent, and key decision-maker can be very, very draining.
I need my tank re-filled. I'm not sure how that will happen, but I know that - in order to emerge healthy and whole again - I need to find a way.
You can't see the tears in this picture, but trust me when I say they were streaming down my face. It was one of those shadow moments. (Why did I turn the camera on myself? Like I've said before, it's one of the ways I process the world, including my own sadness.)
Like the dandelion, I want to let go, let god and nature take over, and lose myself in the breeze.