Thursday, November 02, 2006

No, I will not be joining NaBloPoMo, or whatever it's called

Nope, I will not promise you a post every day (especially since I already missed yesterday). Normally I'd be happy to - in fact, I often post every day. But this month, I need the freedom to sulk and pout, and just be uncreative and occasionally uncommunicative. Yes, sometimes I might be found curled up in my bed with the covers over my head instead of at the computer being all friendly. It's not the pending winter - no, I rather enjoyed the fresh layer of snow. It's not the restlessness I talked about a little while ago. It's not even my sleepy soul.

It's something else entirely, and I'm dying to talk about it, but I can't. Let's just say it's ugly and unpleasant, and my name will probably be dragged through the mud a few times in the coming months and perhaps even years. And, starting next week, I will probably need to make a few too many trips to another province.

I'll just say that sometimes it's really, really hard being in management. Most of the time, I enjoy being in a position of leadership, but some days, it's not worth the "big bucks". Some days, I just want to be a working stiff who shows up in the morning, counts widgets, and then goes home at the end of the day. Some mornings, when I wake up from a nightmare brought on by all of this like I did this morning, I'd rather stay in bed.

On another note entirely, I've been reading Torch by Cheryl Strayed (recommended by Laura before she disappeared from the face of the earth under the allegations that she was a fake), and I have to say the woman (Cheryl Strayed, that is) knows how to get alot of things right. Like grief, for example. Like the deep trench left in your life after the loss of a parent. And like the betrayal you feel when you watch a parent move on to another relationship.

Here's a quote:
"...as the weeks passed and then turned to months, Claire's sorrow thickened, deepened. She came to see that her grief did not have an end, or if it did, she would not be delivered there. Grief was not a road or a river or a sea but a world, and she would have to live there now. The world was different for each person, for her and for Joshua and for Bruce. She couldn't say what Joshua's or Bruce's was, but hers was a place vast and wide. It was everywhere, went on forever. The sky at night in a place famous for its night sky: Montana or the Sahara Desert. And her face eternally tipped up to that sky."


Michele said...

dear one
you just do what you have to do.

Liz said...

I have something major going on right now that I can't talk (or write) about either and it's bothering me a lot that I can't. Maybe if I had a margarita...

Hang in there Heather!

Vicki said...

Two things comes to mind..

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Blessed Assurance
Perfect submission, all is at rest
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.

Perfect Submission is my favorite words, because then... ALL is at rest.

Gina said...

I know exactly what you mean about just wanting to go home at the end of the day and forget about your job. It's tough, and I am sorry you are going to have to go through that.

Cheryl Strayed said...

Thanks for your kind words about my book, Heather. My best to you in your own work.

Coll said...

Heather.. I am so sorry you are going through a difficult time. I hope everything turns around soon.

I loved the quote. Beautiful, beautifully written words.

Linda said...

Sometimes the safest place one can find is at home, in bed, under the covers. My prayers are with you.

ccap said...

I'm so sorry. About whatever's going on.

Joyce said...

sorry, Heather.
love the quote.

Accidental Poet said...

you post more than the rest of us put together already so I think you're off the hook :)

Looking forward to seeing you.

wordgirl said...

I really hope you're doing okay and that no one drags your name (and your self-esteem) through the mud. You don't deserve that.

Anvilcloud said...

I hope that you can resolve this situation as calmly as possible -- or at least be calm within yourself.

Anonymous said...

Heather, I love hearing from you whenever you're up to it. However often that may be. Hang in there.

Judy said...

Oh, Heather.

I hope it all works out.

Pamela said...

The other ones are
"all things are possible..."

"If God be for us...."

I'm heading for under the covers right now.

BarnGoddess said...

sorry to hear about your 'dilemma'

I hope it all works out for you.

Stay strong.........

Swampwitch said...

...so many blogs...so little time.
I had no idea that missing a week of blogs would "affect me" "affect me" "affect me"...like this.
I hope 'things' work out on the positive side for you.
I enjoyed the clip from Cheryl Strayed. Thank You.
And what was the Laura thing all about? I keep seeing bits and pieces about her along the way.

oshee said...

I hope you are able to face what is coming. But know when you are pulling the covers over you head, there are many of us taking such moments probably at the same time.

Much luck and many hugs.

tlawwife said...

I so understand that management thing. I use "this too shall pass" and "that which doesn't kill us makes us strong" a lot! May you rest in God's comfort.