Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I wanna be profound

I wanna sit down at this computer and type something profound and noteworthy. I wanna be creative and brilliant and wax poetic about something meaningful. I wanna make you laugh or make you cry or make you sit in awe of the way I string together words.

But I got nothin'. Big ZIPPO. Zilch. Nada. Don't know why, but I'm drained dry. Got no creative spark, even when I dig down deep. The only thing down there, in the place where there USED to be a creative spark, is a pile of smoldering embers, soggy and wet from too many days of rain, rain, and more rain.

So, in the absence of brilliance, here's a list of boring random thoughts...

1. I just finished reading "Secret Life of Bees". MAN I wish I could write like that. (Yup, for those of you who were wondering, that was one of my purchases with my birthday money.)

2. Tonight, after a long and frustrating evening, in which it seemed the only way I was interacting with my children was in the form of argument, I walked into the kitchen and heard the song Marcel had playing. "How could I live without you" - by Trisha Yearwood. That was one of the songs we danced to at our wedding. Right there, in the kitchen, tonight, we danced again. The kids were in bed, and it was just him and I in the kitchen. Yeah, go ahead and smile, 'cause it was a nice moment between two people who might forget sometimes, but after 12 years, are still pretty crazy about each other. And in the words of Trisha... How could I live without him? There was one day when I thought I might have to learn to live without him, but thank God, I didn't have to.

3. We've been doing interviews for one of the director positions at work this week. We've done six and have one more to go. Part of me loves being on THIS side of the table - getting to ask the questions and watching how people struggle to present themselves in the right light. What makes them answer the way they do? And why is that I form an opinion of a person almost before they've finished answering the first question? Do those opinions have anything to do with reality? But there's another part of me that finds this completely exhausting. And by the sixth interview, I have a heck of a time trying to keep them all straight. And then, the other part of it is having some empathy for the person on the other side of the table. All of the people we interviewed are from different cities and most from different countries, and so all of them have probably had to have conversations with their families - "if I get this job, we'll have to move away from home." And yet, only one of them will get it, and so the others will have to live with the disappointment, and tell their families that no, mommy/daddy didn't get the job this time. That's the part where I don't really like having their future in my hands.

4. PLEASE somebody make the rain go away. That's ENOUGH already! I got soaked and muddy biking home from work today, and I just wanted to crawl into the bathtub and CRY!

5. If I can JUST survive next week (board meetings, team retreat that I have to lead, major project deadlines) I MIGHT actually be able to take a couple of days off. Oh, I sure do hope so!

6. Somebody said to me today (not one of the people we were interviewing, by the way) "If you don't have passion for something, then you shouldn't be doing it. Find someone else who can do it better." It's not entirely practical, 'cause there are LOTS of things we have to do that don't have anything to do with passion, but I think he's partly right. But sometimes you just have to trudge forward and hope the passion catches up with you.

I think I'll go to bed now. Maybe the beauty sleep will help revive that creative spark. Or maybe not, and I'll slug (is that a word I can use as a verb?) through another sloggy soggy day just hoping some light will appear.

By the way, hello to Glenda! Don't know you, but I hear (from Michele) that you're reading, and you're welcome! If Michele likes you, I'm sure you'd be a friend of mine, 'cause Michele's got GREAT taste!


Anvilcloud said...

We could probably take some of your rain here in Ontario ... and I agree that Bees was very good ... and that sometimes there doesn't seem to be much to write about.

michele said...

Darling, darling friend, even when you don't have anything to write about, you write so well. Here I am at my last chapter and every so often I still think, Heather told me to write. So I should. And I will. And here I am at close to midnight and I should be writing but oh I just had to check your blog. Thanks for not disappointing and thanks for welcoming GLENDA!! Maybe she'll dare post a comment. There's someone with a story to tell. Much love to both of you. How did I get so lucky?

ccap said...

#2 - I can picture it and it made me smile.

Linda said...

Even when you write about your everyday life, I feel inspired. I am honoured to know you and call you a friend. I too, haven't been able to write much. If only this dark, grey, soggy, yucky, horrible, depressing ETC. weather would let up! I'm tempted to go to a tanning salon! That's how bad it is!

ccap said...

#1 - Hey, I've been meaning to read that. Can I borrow it from you?

Dale said...

Very profound. I especially liked your point #6. Last weekend, I took part in a spiritual gifts workshop at church. I discovered I have gifts for artistic creativity, counseling, suffering (!) and music. Your friend was right: Match the person to the task. It's hard to know who's best suited though, isn't it?
I've been reading your blog for a month or so, and I think you're a fine writer. That makes you "creative." When you write about your Life, your ideas and insights, you're "brilliant". And when you share them with others, it's "something meaningful".
Write on, girl. And thanks.

Heather said...

Thanks for all the comments!

anvilcloud - we'd VERY willingly send our rain your way!!!

michele - I'm SO glad I could serve as a catalyst for your writing, 'cause you were meant to do it!

ccap - of COURSE you can borrow the book!

linda - honoured to know you too! perhaps we should have a 'where-the-hell-is-summer' pity party sometime!

dale - welcome! I've been peeking at your blog occasionally too :-) And I gotta ask... SUFFERING? That wasn't included in the spiritual gifts assessment I did!

michele said...

yeah, suffering is a gift? he must be catholic (:

Gina said...

I am a little late, but it seems all your wonderful friends have chimed in with the same things I wanted to say!

Sending some California sunshine your way... :)

Stephanie said...

Ooh, I loved Secret Life of Bees. The book I'm reading right now is so not inspiring me. And as for the rain, I feel your pain. Although we had nice weather today, the month of May and early June managed enough rain to catch us up on a three month drought. Oh...*sigh*...great.

Anonymous said...

well I'm not Catholic, but I do think suffering is a gift, but not in the spiritual gift sense. I think our struggles make us better people, and are therefore a gift.

michele said...

nicely said

Glenda said...

Well, well, now that I feel like I've been officially spotted and named I am compelled to say hello. So...hello everyone! I have been quietly sitting back reading most of your blogs.
Linda and Heather, I've read every one and loved seeing this side of your lives. It's been like getting to the real stuff that matters without having to go through the preliminary, boring, small talk.
Heather I don't even know you really, yet you are exactly what I would expect in a Michele friend. I can't wait to meet you face to face someday- you seem like an amazing gal. Michele DOES have great taste.
Linda, I've always known you were a way cool older sister- you've just been confirming it. Lately I've been thinking of you as my 'new' friend; not Michele's sister Linda. It's all very good. Now, Michele, I'm still not done To Be Told- so lay off my stories ok?? ;-) I'm working on it, I'm working on it. I've also been reading Summer of my Amazing Luck Great book, love it! Hey is that the author's signature inside the cover?
Anyways, this is far more than I thought I'd have to say so bye for now.

michele said...

yup--friend of a friend. one of my dearest friends is the prototype for "lish" she actually did the skinny dipping thing, apparently.

michele said...

this is starting to look like a chat room! (at least, it's what i imagine a chat room would look like)