Friday, June 03, 2005


"Hello, my name is Heather, and I am a plant killer." Now everybody chime in "Hello Heather."

Is there a place for "plant killers" anonymous? I need to bare my soul. As much as it pains me to admit it, I have a black thumb. I am surrounded by green thumbs whom I love and admire - brother, sister, sisters-in-law, father-in-law, mother, co-workers, friends, blog friends, you name it - and yet, none of their abilities to charm the earth have rubbed off on me.

I love plants. I want to be surrounded by them. I couldn't BARE to live in one of those housing developments which are devoid of green. Both houses we've bought have been surrounded by big, old lovely trees. Fortunately, I haven't managed to kill the trees yet (except the one in front of our house is looking a little sickly and I fear it may have heard the rumours whispered by all the other plants and is cowering in fear of me).

Other than trees, plants enter my life, and before long, they give up theirs. I have taken possession of hundreds of plants in my lifetime, and as much as I vow to be kind to them, I kill them all. It doesn't matter what it is - houseplant, garden plant, cactus, the plant that everyone says "there's no WAY you can kill this one" - I have a remarkable ability to put an end to their green life on this earth. Perhaps that's the REAL reason I like dandelions - because it's the ONLY plant I can't kill. You've gotta admire the pluckiness of a plant like THAT!

It really pains me to admit this, especially since most of the friends and family who read this blog are of the green thumb variety. I feel like there is a black mark on my personality. I even wondered about the wisdom of having children - if I can't keep a PLANT alive, should I really take the risk of letting children enter my death-trap?

Oh, I suppose this is my cross to bear. All you plant lovers out there - please forgive me. It's not for lack of love that these plants died. I really DO care for them - that's the reason I stopped bringing them into my house or yard. I want them to LIVE and flourish and there seems to be little hope of that if I bring them home.

And so, I humbly acknowledge my weakness and say simply that I am forever grateful to those of you who CAN keep plants alive, because then I can at least enjoy them from a distance - on YOUR yards or in YOUR homes rather than mine.

(And if anyone out there in blogland is wondering, yes I DID manage to bring home 3 lovely daughters and have kept them all alive and healthy! So it seems my black thumb only relates to plants and not children. Whew!)


michele said...

now surely you didn't manage to kill those iris i planted in your back yard a couple years ago? if you killed them, you are definitely beyond redemption. if they are still alive, there's hope for you yet.

ccap said...

Perhaps it will comfort you at least a little to know that I am working on my third plant death since moving to this apartment.

Heather said...

No Michele, I didn't kill the irises YET. So you can still be my friend.

(Fortunately, none of my friends have been shallow enough to ditch me based on the fact that I killed a plant they gave me. I'd be pretty lonely otherwise.)

michele said...

i couldn't ditch you based on plant killing. i kill about 50% of what i plant, but i just keep planting and hoping for the best. also, i tend to blame the plant if it dies, not me--so maybe it's not your black thumb. you've just been buying wimpy plants.

Gina said...

I am somewhere in the middle, plants just kind of ignore me. A gray or beige thumb, if you will.

mongoose said...

I can kill grass Heather :/
I'm gazing sadly at the little blades of grass I planted in Spring...They did well for a while. alas no more...
I am going to have to buy turf then see if I can keep that alive for more than a couple of months.
I even killed a fern while at university.
I didn't think you could kill ferns.