Monday, January 12, 2009

Where am I now?

This is a bit of a housecleaning random blog post. Just some thoughts that need to be cleared out with the cobwebs in my mind.

- I don’t have a lot of desire to blog anymore. I’m not sure what to do with it – give it up, or try to re-invent it. Or just take a hiatus. Now that I’m having such fun with my new camera, I’ve considered transforming it into more of a photo blog.

- I decided to write a book. And then I told you about it. And now I can’t seem to write anymore. Something is stopping me. I think it’s fear. And of course, the lack of time. But sometimes that’s just an excuse that’s masking fear.

- I’m facing some tough decisions at work. One in particular. The resolution is finally coming clear to me, but it’s a tough road to go down and I want to stomp my foot like a little child and say “No! You can’t make me go there! It’s much safer over here!” Once again, it’s probably fear that’s holding me back. Okay, it’s DEFINITELY fear.

- A while ago, I decided that I needed to reach out to more friends, because I just wasn’t giving enough attention to that area of my life and I was feeling a little lost. And unsupported. And distrustful. The past few days, I’ve had some wonderful conversations with friends – some new, some old. It is reminding me just how good it feels to be known and trusted. And to give someone some truth that you’ve protected. And then they honour it, caress it like they would your tiny baby, and give it back to you a little more beautiful than it was before.

- My oldest two daughters did a lovely thing for their three-year-old cousin. She loves videos and pictures of people that she loves (and, like any three-year-old, pictures of herself). They spent all evening making something special for her and it just fills me with such delight. I’ve never been close to my cousins, so when I see my kids bond with their cousins (like they did at Christmas, with those who don’t live close by), I get all warm and fuzzy.

- I started a yoga class on Saturday. It’s the first time I’m trying it, and I HATE being the new kid on the block (most of the people in the class are seasoned veterans), but despite that, I think I’m going to enjoy it. The nice thing about facing the “new kid on the block fear” is that once you’ve stared it down and done it anyway, you don’t have to go through it again, because before long, you’re one of those seasoned veterans.

- I’m working on a little project. About fear. (Are you sensing a theme here?) I’ll share it with you soon.

- Okay, maybe I’m not done blogging yet.


Hope said...

I've got alot of similar issues on my tackle list this year.
I love love love yoga..... I hope you'll enjoy this class.
I've been craving a snow day too... one that's closes roads, shuts down phone and fax lines and prevents email from coming through.
I do however insist on electricity.
Stay warm, hugs

Liz said...

Yeah I was going to point out the fear thing until you mentioned it yourself.

I miss my really good girl friends. Now that my girls are older, I'm finding it harder to make friends without the automatic meeting of people at the kids' events. And I'm finding that I'm choosier about who I want to hang out with. But nothing is better than hanging out with friends who have seen you through thick and thin.

Please don't stop blogging. I've been in a rut myself but visiting my blog friends gets me through it. Even Hope is back! Yeah!

Anvilcloud said...

Blogs meander and change course over time. Just do whatever you want to do with it.

Vicki said...

I read your posts and would miss them. However I am most positive I would enjoy whatever you put out. You have a creative spirit that I enjoy.

That video was wonderful! Who sings that song? It's perfect!

Push past fear. Feel it, do it for yourself only. We feel fear when we do it with the thought of what the outcome will be. Don't. just do it for NOW.

Karmyn R said...

It isn't bad to take a hiatus. Sometimes that is just what you need.

Contact with friends is always nice - no matter what the occasion. I need to get out and do that more myself.

Linda said...

Please tell those girls of yours that the video is amazing! Lucky Abby.

andrea said...

Yikes. Blogger just ate my *deeply* philosophical comment about fear and easy choices vs. right choices. I'll just say: great post, Heather, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other!