I took a sick day today. I think my body is just plain worn out. At first I was just going to sleep a little longer than usual and then go in to work late, but I rolled over in bed (after calling the office) and the next thing I knew, I woke up and it was after 10:00. I don't know when I've ever slept that late, but clearly I needed it. I'm awake now, but still feeling pretty groggy and worn out and a little achey, so I'll just spend the day in rest mode.
There are some fun and exciting things happening these days, and maybe it's taking a toll on my energy level. Today in the Winnipeg Free Press, I was named as a "Manitoba Mover" because of my award. Really? Me? A mover and a shaker? Wow! I'm certainly not feeling much like a "mover" today! And on every other day? Well, mostly I just feel like I'm doing my job the way I'm supposed to be doing it and not a whole lot differently from the way other people in similar positions are doing their jobs. I'm trying to write my speech for the gala luncheon (they want me to talk about some of the unique and successful ways I've communicated), and I'm having trouble figuring out what I do that might be noteworthy.
I'm also preparing to speak at this conference in Toronto in June. I've done lots of speaking engagements in the past, but this is the first time I'll be flown in to be a conference speaker at a North America-wide conference. It feels like I'm "kickin' it up a notch" so to speak.
I'm on a little high of excitement over all of this. Unlike many people who say they fear death less than speaking in public, I actually really, really enjoy public speaking and I've been wanting to do more of it. It gives me really great energy and confidence - at least when I feel like I have something worth sharing. I especially love it when people come up afterward to engage me in conversation because something I said really stuck with them and they just felt the need to explore it more with me.
When I started this year out with "fearlessness" as my theme (which, I realize, should probably be "courage" rather than fearlessness, since it's more about moving through the fear than abolishing it altogether), I tried to be honest with myself about what things I wanted to do more of if I had the courage to ask for the opportunities. Public speaking was one of those things. I admitted it to myself (and to god), and then the opportunities started to show up without me having to look for them.
But there's a down side to all of this, of course. It's the expectations and new "standard of excellence" I'm setting up for myself. How do you top "communicator of the year"? Do I now have to become "communicator of the decade" to feel like I've arrived?
When I sent out the press release about my award, one of the board members said, jokingly, that they'd be expecting even more from me now... and that's what I'm afraid of. What does "more" look like? And what if everything I try this year is a miserable failure? What will people think of me then?
For now, though, I'll try not to worry about all that and instead, bask in the glow of the moment. For starters, I'm going to have a hot bath and listen to some good music...