If this is 41, when will I start feeling like a grown-up?

I turned 41 today.
Who knew 41 could feel so young?
Who knew I'd still know so little about the meaning of life?
Who knew I'd still have so many doubts and insecurities?
Who knew I'd still often feel like I'm just "playing house"?
Who knew I'd still get zits and blackheads like a teenager?
Who knew I'd still dream about "what I'm gonna do when I grow up"?

41 feels anticlimactic after 40. Last year there was a big party to celebrate. There was a new nose-piercing to mark the day. There was a jump out of an airplane to prove I'm still young and very much alive and haven't lost my risk-taking abilities.

Today there is little other than an occasional "happy birthday" greeting or phone call, a supper with Marcel's family, and an afternoon of quiet and perhaps even boredom. The weather's unpleasant, two people in the family are sick, and there's not much to do that can be done inside and doesn't cost much money. I think I'll go curl up under my blankie and read a few pages until my eyes drift shut.

Maybe I AM getting old if an afternoon nap is a suitable way to spend a birthday afternoon.

Growing up

My little butterfly turned five this weekend.

Happy Birthday, Maddie Monkey.

You're growing so quickly, it almost takes my breath away. Some day soon, you'll stop having baths with me, and you'll no longer beg for lie-with-me-night. Some day soon, you won't reach your arms up for me to lift you into the air. Some day you won't ask for "trouble" and then laugh as I toss you onto the bed. Some day you won't tell me funny stories about the little man in your toe who wipes his tiny little bum. Some day you won't want to play "would you rather" anymore. Some day, you won't pull out your little Fisher Price schoolhouse and ask me to play the teacher/mother while you play the child. Some day, you'll read your own story books and no longer care if I read them to you. Some day we won't build high towers out of Lego. Some day, you'll ride your own bicycle and no longer bounce around on the tag-a-long, singing and laughing. Some day I won't push you on the swing anymore.

When that day comes, I'm sure I will cherish the new moments that come with it, but a piece of me will wish that today had lasted just a little longer.

Happy Birthday, Nikki!

(Yes, it's birthday week around here!)

It fills my heart with wonder how quickly you have grown
from this...

to this...