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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I'm trying, okay?

Some days you win, other days the most you can hope to do is try. Today, trying will have to be enough.

I’m trying…
- To not let this seriously disappointing weather get me down.
- To forgive myself for not getting much exercise while my bike sits in the garage on these wet miserable mornings.
- To have enough energy to be a good (or at least “present”) mom and wife.
- To remember that sometimes the timing isn’t right and the best thing to do is wait.
- To understand the strange dream that seemed to be trying to tell me something the other night.
- To not let this dark cloud evolve into a full-fledged depression.
- To not be jealous of all the people who are getting together for fun, creative, refreshing retreats, workshops, etc.
- To put some energy into the things I used to be passionate about (at least those things that are important at my day job).
- To not get too discouraged about some of the challenges I have at work.
- To find some time for the creative things that give me energy, like painting, writing, photography, working on my new site/business.
- To believe that some day I will have more time for the creative things that give me energy.
- To not fall into the trap of believing numbers of visitors/comments = amount of value.
- To be grateful for the compassion and understanding of friends and family.

The other day (a particularly discouraging day for a variety of reasons), I visited my son’s grave and as I stood at the grave, I made a commitment to his memory that I would continue to follow my calling despite the many things that feel discouraging right now. For you, Matthew, I will carry on.

9 comments:

Sheila said...

Big, warm, truly compassionate HUG, Heather. Sounds like we could both use a bowl of chunky, brothy homemade soup and a muffin with crumbly struedel on top. I'll make the tea if you put this vase of lavendar on the table and here, I only have one vintage battenburg napkin but you can use it as handkerchief if you like and I'll grab a couple of plain rolled edge ones. Would it be cheerier if we light some candles? And after we're through with lunch we can chat or you can nap in the rocker or on the couch if you like.

Anyway, if you were my neighbor that's how I'd try to cheer your heart. Sounds like you could use some extra R&R.

Jackie said...

You are not alone. we all have these days when all we can do is try.Big HUG!! Maybe what you are already doing is ENOUGH.You are enough:)

Anvilcloud said...

I guess these are trying times for you in more than one way.

Olivia said...

Yes, indeed we all do have these days Heather. Remember that you ARE enough---right now, not later! Thinking of you, O

Accidental Poet said...

I love you.

Stephanie said...

Sometimes the best we can do is try. Even when our best isn't great, it's the trying and the believing and knowing that gets us through the day. So sorry discouragement has landed on you.

You've had some really exciting days this summer, and I know for me, when I transition away from the amazing days, discouragement can easily settle on my spirit. As if my spirit was already ripe for all this emotion, but then the good part got squeezed out a little and all I felt was sour. Emotional transitions are hard.

Hugs for you from me.

vicki said...

your trying is encouraging to me. working on my give away this week.

Anonymous said...

" To not fall into the trap of believing numbers of visitors/comments = amount of value."

Thanks for your vulnerability in sharing that one. It's so easy to go there.

(joyce, blunderview)

Liz said...

Once again we appear to be going through a similar cycle. And I've been having the most bizarre dreams lately too. I think there's a common denominator in them, but I haven't figured it out yet. Our dreams can definitely tell us something. Good luck figuring yours out.