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Monday, May 04, 2009

Where to from here

We weren’t careful enough, talking in front of the children. We thought they’d heard it all before – that we weren’t really sharing new information. But what they hadn’t heard before was the worry that had started to creep into our voices. The possibility that this could be the beginning of worse things to come.

Marcel noticed Maddie first, sitting on the steps with her head bent. “Are you okay?” he asked. She said nothing. I sat down to hold her and realized the fear that she was beginning to carry along with the rest of us. She wept in my arms.

Her grandfather is sick. Marcel’s dad. There’s more wrong than we at first thought when he entered the hospital a week and a half ago. A lot of it is still unknown, but none of it looks good.

Throughout the evening, any time her Pépère was mentioned, the tears welled up in Maddie’s eyes. "I'm trying to think happy thoughts," she said, but the tears said otherwise. The rest of us are feeling a little numb – a little unsure how to feel. Her seven-year-old honesty is expressing what the rest of us are holding a little closer to our chests. We knew his health had begun to deteriorate, we knew he just wasn’t himself lately… we thought we were prepared for anything. But how can you prepare for the unknown?

10 comments:

Accidental Poet said...

You pray for grace for every stumbling terrifying moment.

I love you and I'm sorry.

Linda said...

Don't know what to say...

Gina said...

I'm so sorry...

mmichele said...

Oh dear, I just wanted to send you my love and prayers. For all of you. Take care.

joyce said...

*sigh*
you noticed the childrens' sadness even as you feel the crush of your own. That's remarkably good.
I'm sorry. It's an awful place to be; as you well know.

Liz said...

I'm so sorry Heather, Marcel and girls.

Judy said...

I am sorry.

Hold on to hope.

Anvilcloud said...

As it's hard. All the best.

Pamela said...

I'm touched by her comprehension, compassion, and response.

Stephanie said...

I'm so sorry, Heather. Heartache takes on a whole different dynamic when your children are part of the process. Praying for you, your family, and Marcel's father.