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Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Fumbling

Today was a "fumbling" kind of day. I made mistakes. I communicated poorly. I might have jeopardized an important business relationship because I treated someone rather brusquely before I realized what I was doing. On top of that, I had to have a couple of tough conversations with people who work for me. Feelings were quite probably hurt.

The mantle of leadership felt too heavy on my shoulders today. It was the kind of day that made me wish (at least momentarily) that I could throw off the mantle and just count widgets for awhile. Maybe just for a day or two. At least then I wouldn't have to make decisions or walk tenderly around relationships - I'd just count. Counting I can do. In fact I'm quite competent at it. 1. 2. 3... This leadership stuff... I'm just not feeling quite as competent today.

A few days ago, when I was cleaning up a corner of the basement for "the renovation project that will see my hair turning grey before it's finished", I came across an envelope addressed to me in my father's unmistakable handwriting. I think there were only two or three times I ever got anything in the mail from my dad. I wrote about another one of those times here. I could never throw any of them out, but I don't quite know what to do with them, so they have a way of popping up now and then when I'm cleaning. When I got home from work today, I re-read the one I'd most recently found. I needed it.

On a little pink scrap of paper (something that had been discarded from the Auction Mart where he worked - my dad was into recycling long before it was trendy), was this very brief note.

"The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him." Proverbs 23:24

I don't remember what preceded this note. The postmark says 1999, but I can't remember if there was something significant that happened that year that made my dad send me a note that, in his own way, said "I'm proud of you. You are a wise child." Perhaps I'd accomplished something that he wanted to honour me for. Or perhaps it was a time when I was filled with self-doubt and he thought I needed to hear that I was capable and that he believed in me.

I don't remember how it made me feel to get that simple note in the mail. I'm sure it choked me up a little. I only know how it felt to find it this weekend, four years after he died. And I know how it felt to read it again after a day that left me feeling anything but "wise".

I think I'll frame it and put it on my desk. Tomorrow when I go back to work, I'm going to need a little boost to help me move forward. If my dad believed I was wise, then who am I to doubt it?

15 comments:

Michele said...

my friend

i love you whether you're fumbling or carrying.

love to you.

bbb said...

Wow!

Liz said...

Sometimes there are no coincidences. You were meant to find that note today. Framing it sounds like a great idea to me!

Karmyn R said...

Wow is right - you were meant to find that note today!! Gave me chills.

Linda said...

What a dad! What a daughter. I am honoured to call you a friend.

Melissa said...

What a gift. That's awesome.

Hang in there Heather. Tomorrow will be a better day. Hugs to you.

andrea said...

I was touched by the note. As for the bad day, it was probably just PMS. :) (Hope you're feeling better.)

ValleyGirl said...

That's beautiful! I don't know what kind of a relationship you have with your dad, but mine is the type to never really say much -- certainly never anything mushy like "I love you" or "I'm proud of you" -- but every now and again, when he forgets himself and it gets out, it's something that impacts me in a way nothing else can. It feels like a priceless gift. I think that's what you got from your dad in that note. And from God. The exact right thing at the exact right time.

Gina said...

That note is wonderful, and I'm so glad you found it when you needed it. I also love that your mom wrote, "I agree!"

Vicki said...

What comes to mind is that the word of God is a LIVING word. Never ends, never dies, never looses it's meaning.

Proves true here.

Thank you for sharing, encourages me to write someone a note today.

bogiemum (www.boogiemum.com) said...

that is so neat. It almost brought tears to my eyes. That was so special for your dad to write you that.

Note to self. Start writing similar notes to my kids..

Anvilcloud said...

I think you're wise. Just human. We do get tired and cranky at times.

Pamela said...

the part where you mentioned that you treated someone rather brusquely -- sort of cheered me up.

Every so often I do that - and then think I'm some kind of ...well.. you know the ryhme.

Anyway, to know that you struggle sometime, too, encourages me.

You seem to always be so positive.

Judy said...

Wow, Heather.

How timely.

Love truly does go on forever.

Whippersnapper said...

That's lovely.

We all fumble sometimes.

Reflecting on one's fumbles is the very definition of wisdom.

Love you.