How NOT to please me at 10:00 at night

...come traipsing down the stairs with about a cup of hand lotion plastered all over your hands and arms and pajamas and say "Mommy, I have some soap on me." And then, when I go upstairs to find MORE hand lotion all over the walls, the stair rail, my bed-side table, the door knobs, and the bottle of lotion, say "But it was just an accident. Accidents happen, you know."