Monday, November 30, 2009

This is the beginning

Today marks another beginning. I have a new employee starting today. It's the first of the three we hired recently - the other two will start in the new year.

It's a new beginning because it marks a new chapter in my journey as an evolving leader. I've been a positional leader for a dozen years or so, but each role I take on pushes me to a new level. (I purposefully say "positional leader" because I believe there are all kinds of ways of being a leader without every having the position.)

Expanding my team this year and adding a big new strategic plan is going to stretch me (and my team) in ways I haven't been stretched before. In this year of trying to be more fearless, this may very well be the biggest step I'll take.

Today I am being called to:
  • trust my instinct more.
  • be bold and push forward into spaces I've never been before.
  • thicken my skin and brave the resistance that always comes when we push into something new.
  • challenge those people who don't want to give their energy to the team's direction and purpose
  • be authentic, vulnerable, and humble, even at the risk of embarrassing myself
  • trust my own wisdom and my ability to be the "voice of authority"
  • be true to myself and what I believe I am being called to do
  • be brave enough to admit failure and strong enough to pick myself up and try again
Six months ago, I put a big proposal forward to the board. It was approved, though not without some resistance on the part of both board and staff. Six months ago, I started slipping into a deep pit of restlessness, fear, frustration, and yes... I believe depression. I wrestled with demons that said I wasn't good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. I battled obstacles I wasn't prepared for, with two staff resigning, challenges with a consulting company, conflict on my team, and all measure of personal angst and unease.

This week, the board meets again (for semi-annual meetings). I'm still a little fearful and still not sure I can do what I know I need to do, but something in me has shifted. I'm ready to move into this new challenge. I'm ready to trust that I am not doing this alone - that God has equipped me with the skills I need to succeed, or the courage I need to fail.

Let it begin.


Julie Jordan Scott said...

This is so exciting. Congratulations!!

Hiro Boga said...

Heather, hooray! May this next stage of your journey be filled with ease and grace.

Dovelily said...

Beautiful! "The will of God will never lead you where the grace of God will not protect you." That one gets me through some pretty tough times. I feel certain you will meet your new challenges and opportunities with grace and come out of it all the better for it.

Sheila said...

Our enemy need not attack when we are not actively pursuing territory he already thinks he controls. It's when we are progressing toward the prize the onslaught is unleashed. Thankfully the hooded blindfold/blanket tactic wasn't effective on you!

Pamela said...

proud of you. for you.

Dale Cook said...

It is easier for us to look back at the path guiding our footsteps, than it is to judge if the path ahead of us is too steep for us to handle. Life has corners that we cannot see around. We fear the steep path and forget that sometimes God provides escalators.