Saturday, February 03, 2007

Scattered thoughts

Scattered thought #1 - Nikki has been begging us for a two-piece bathing suit. After a party (involving a hot-tub) with her girlfriends a few weeks ago, she has repeatedly told us that "EVERYONE has one" (which, translated could very well mean one or two of them do). She used to have one - a nice modest suit - before she lost half of it. Last weekend, we got the bi-annual garbag bags full of hand-me-down clothes from my generous friend Suzanne, and wouldn't you know it - there's a two-piece bathing suit in her size. EXCEPT - this wasn't the nice modest suit she'd had in the past. The bottom was fine, but the top - well, can we say "string bikini"? When she walked out of the bedroom, her daddy took one look at her and his jaw dropped in horror. Though she's only ten, she has already developed curves, and our sweet little girl looked dangerously "hot" in this little number. Of course, the first thing out of her daddy's mouth was "you will NEVER wear that in public!" To which he was met with a barrage of retorts. "BUT - it's JUST a bathing suit. What's the big deal?"

Well, what IS the big deal? I'd really like to know, from those of you who have raised pre-teen and teen girls, what your reactions would be. I don't want to be an uptight mom with a long list of "thou shalt nots", but I also don't want my ten-year-old daughter being gawked at by hormonal teenage boys or dirty old men with nasty thoughts on their minds. But - how do you explain this to her in a way that she'll understand but not get totally freaked out and self-conscious about the way boys look at her?

Scattered thought #2 - Somewhat related to the above scattered thought, yesterday, while the girls and I were splashing around at the Pan Am Pool with some friends (Nikki was in her MODEST bathing suit), there were also a group of young teenagers playing a game with a beach ball. One of the girls jumped on one of the boys and held him down. He said "what are you doing?" Her response was "I'm raping you." Huh?? When did RAPE become funny?

Scattered thought #3 - Just like they say at the Oscars - "It's just an honour to be nominated." Along with a number of my excellent blogging friends, I have been nominated for "best writing" over at the Share the Love Blog Awards. Gee thanks! I'm tickled! If you feel so inclined, you can vote for me here. And give a nod to some of our other friends while you're there.

Scattered thought #4 - My lovely sister and her equally lovely husband are taking the girls for a sleepover tonight. Of course the girls are thrilled, but ya wanna know the best part? We get to have DATE NIGHT! Yay! A night alone with my beloved - you can't go wrong with THAT!

Scattered thought #5 - Hmmmm... I wonder if Scattered thought #1 or 2 will bring some undesirable google searches my way? If you've come here by googling nasty words - GO AWAY! You're not welcome here and you WON'T find any pictures of prepubescent girls in bathing suits.

Scattered thought #6 - The girls and I just went shopping for hockey sticks this afternoon. This winter, they've suddenly become quite passionate about skating and are all rather interested in playing some fun scrimmage games of hockey the next time we hit the ice. And after my night of hockey with the "W.I.L.D. Women", I'm looking forward to the next time, now that I have my own stick!

Scattered thought #7 - The other day, out of the blue, Maddie said "Mom, life is like a bowl full of spaghetti." She didn't have an explanation, but it left me wondering what deep meaning might lurk behind her random thought. Perhaps we're all just a bunch of noodles covered in sauce? Perhaps we've got nothing but squashed tomatoes to look forward to in our future? Perhaps we stick together and get all clumpy if overcooked? Hmmm...


ChrisB said...

Just wanted to say hope you have a great date. Enjoy

Liz said...

Well...as you know I have two teenage daughters, but when we moved into our house with it's own pool, they were 9 and 12. They used to actually skinny dip back then.

When the oldest got her first bikini, the top was fine, but the bottom was more string bikini-like. I didn't care because I knew no one would see her in the back yard, but my brother saw her one year and couldn't believe I let her get that suit. I think he was mostly teasing because he couldn't believe how she had developed since his own little girl was only about 5 at the time. So my perspective is a bit skewed, having our own pool.

I'd say, let her have a bikini for times she is at a private pool or playing in the backyard sprinkler, but have her get something more modest if she's in public.

Pamela said...

#1 You're the mom. Let your intuition be your guide.

#2 I wonder if she knew what it meant. My sis was teaching 1st graders and one of them pushed ahead in line. The little guy that got pushed put up his dukes and said "Watch it, or I'm gonna give you a pap smear!"

#3 (:

#4 (; ;D

#5 I'm going to go check my googles right now

#6 Now there's a modest uniform. No problems there. And good exercise, too

#7 I'm going to cogitate on that for awhile

Robyn said...

Have a wonderful date night! :)
Oh my, its such a minefield with kids isn't it? How do you not bruise their innocence but keep them safe. I like Liz's suggestion of keeping her bikini for when its just your family - although thats hard to do if you don't have your own stretch of beach or backyard pool!
LOL about the bowl of spaghetti!

Accidental Poet said...

It's not just a bathing suit, it's her body, and she deserves to have it treated with respect.

This is based on something I read in a parenting magazine when A was much younger - I've used it a few times since:

When A wanted to wear something too revealing, I drew an almost circle on a piece of paper, and asked "What shape is that?" She said "It's a cricle" I said "But it's not - there's a bit missing." She said "I can just TELL." And I said "That's because your imagination is filling in the blanks. When you are wearing something that shows so much, other people's imaginations can fill in the blanks."

Michele said...

life is a bowl of spaghetti, and my goodness, if you can pull it off while wearing a teeny weeny bikini, then by golly, go for it!!

Anvilcloud said...

Well, I don't know, Heather, but maybe wearing it in the hot tub with other girls is okay ... for now at least. I'm sure that you will come to the right decision for you though without over-reacting (if possible :)

Hope said...

chances are heather, she will be popping a big ole tee shirt over that bathing suit if she is out in public.
Congrats on the nomination, you've got my vote(s)

oshee said...

I too have a 10 yr-old who is starting to develop those curves. She is my oldest and I am equally nervous as to what is coming.

Personally, I think those tankini's are really cute and usually quite modest. Perhaps a compromise? I would tell my daughter absolutely not on a string type top.

I love the life is like spaghetti. After all, don;t you feel like a meatball sometimes?

Michele said...

isn't it strange that you were writing scattered thoughts while i was writing random disconnected bits? that's something that would happen with my sisters...

marnie said...

Wow, I was wearing a one-piece speedo with a T-shirt over top until I was 17.

Good luck with the bikini. It could always get "lost" in the laundry...

Beccy said...

My ten year old has gone the other way and always wears a one piece with swimming shorts over!

Linda said...

My daughter's bathing suit is way too skimpy for my liking. I would have never worn one because I thought I was too fat. I was about the same size she is too. It's all in perspective. While I don't like the fact that men are ogling her, I am glad that she feels very comfortable in her own skin.

One question: Are we allowing men to dictate what women can wear?

A mom with absolutely no answers

Anonymous said...

Maybe, for her birthday, I could take her shopping for a modest two-piece?


Jenny said...

You gotta go with your gut. If you can find a modest 2 piece that makes her just as happy it might be a safer bet and make you both feel better.

Sheesh. I'm not looking forward to these decisions.

tlawwife said...

I was fortunate enough that my daughter is modest. I do like the tankinis and so does she. Whenever I see a girl that I think is dressed inappropriately I point it out to her. I would tell her it is about respecting yourself. She doesn't always dress to please me but I'm seldom embarrassed.

We have the house to ourselves and I still crave date nights.

And well if I can only read a couple of blogs yours is one of them.

ccap'sboy said...

I have to agree 100% with my brother's reaction to Nikki's bikini. I know that I will have that same reaction if Abby wears a skimpy top like that.

Why did Marcel react that way, and why I would react the same way? Simple. We were once teenage boys, and we know what runs through the minds of teenage boys: girls, girls, girls, and everything that goes along with girls. Ladies, you can say it's wrong, and I agree with you, but it is what is it. And because we thought that way, it scares the crap out of us knowing that boys will be thinking about our daughters that way.

One last thing. About "if you can pull it off while wearing a teeny weeny bikini, then by golly, go for it!!", if you're 18, go for it. If you're 10 (and especially my daughter), no bloody way. But that's a dad talking.


Coll said...

On the bathing suit thing...it may cost some.. but maybe going shopping for a new one that is a two piece but a bit more up to your standards might be a compromise.

Vicki said...

in reguards to the Bikini I gave Olivia the scripture about provoking lustful thoughts.. upholding your brother in christ... I can't remember exactly but at the time I was rockin because it worked.

This year I have already about her swim suit for her. There is snow on the ground but when she needs one we'll have one. It's a two piece but covers almost as much as a one piece. This way she won't be at the store looking at the string bikini's to cover to whoochoo and be tempted to fight with her tired Mama. =)

Janet said...

You're writing about both bikinis and hockey sticks in the very same blog posting! THAT'S what I love about reading your blog, Heather; and if voting is still open for your blog, I'll be there to add my vote!

Sorry I've been silent for so long. I'm trying to get caught up on your posts this afternoon, while I have a little extra time.


Karla said...

oh boy. The whole raising a teenager thing sort of freaks me out - i know, i have a ways to go yet, but one day my boy WILL be one of those hormonal teenagers.

When I was her age I was too self conscious to wear a bikini and always hid my body under a t-shirt and I secretly envied all those girls who were so confident. At least she has that - confidence. I spent my teenage years so full of hatred for my body and suffered for years with eating disorders trying to be thin and cute like the other girls. In a way, I think it's wonderful she has so much confidence.

Keeping it balanced however, is something I have no experience to offer any advice on. :)